Mama's Journal

Hi Sweetie

10/31/2010

I love you and miss you everyday. The kids came over tonight for treats, I took some photos Jazmyn was Belle, Nicole was a cupcake and Staci was a butterfly they were all so cute. I remember how much you enjoyed taking them out and they all miss you so much. The nights are getting colder winter is fast approaching and I'm not ready yet. I know I'd better get prepared because i heard it was snowing tonight in places. I have been reading more and I am comforted knowing that God is always with us. Matt 28:20. God will always bring us through tough times when we pray. Mark 11: 23-24 Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you shall receive them and you will have them.The same God that guided his own son through death and back to life said he will never leave us or forsake us. He is right here with us perhaps even more in times of crisis than any other time. We need to listen to God as he teaches us so that we will be prepared when he uses us to teach someone else. Father, we believe that when we see you, any suffering that we endured on the face of this earth will be worth it. We believe that the first five minutes that we stand in heaven we will know that anything we endured on this earth will be forgotten. Father, help us to understand. And when we cannot understand please help us to trust. I love you Lord. Please watch over my family and friends and keep them all safe. Amen I love you my sweet son I'll talk to you again tomorrow night. night night (((hugs))) xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Love, Mama

Hi Honey

10/30/2010

I love you and miss you sweetheart. I was really sad today after reading all the things you wrote about how you wanted so much to get well. It does help me knowing that your free from all the pain and the many struggles you endured in life. I have been reading and I am constantly reminded of Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths. I also know how important my family and friends have been during my time of sorrow and I am thankful for all their love and support. We are living in a fast paced society, and we don't know what tomorrow will bring. We need to build bridges between our hearts and those of people we see who need a friend--and allow Jesus to cross that bridge of friendship and walk into their hearts. Our handshake, our warmth, our smile or our friendliness could make the difference in someone's life. Ephesians 4:32 tells us to be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Father we look at your plan and it's all based on love, not on our performance, and we pray that you'd help us to understand that. To be captivated by your love. To be overwhelmed by your grace. To come home to you in that beautiful path that you've already carved out for us. No matter what we do no matter how far we fall, no matter how ugly we become, God has a relentless, undying, unfathomable, unquenchable, love from which we cannot be separated. Ever! Romans 8:38 says nothing can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. I thank you Lord for your love and strength you give me everyday and I pray that you'll watch over my family and friends and keep them all safe. I love you my sweet precious son and I'll talk again tomorrow. night night (((hugs))) xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Love, Mama

Hi Sweetheart

10/29/2010

Hi Sweetie I love you and miss you so much. I received some of your writings in the mail today some made me smile and some made me cry. I know all you wanted was to get well and have a better life. I have been reading more in my book about heaven and I read when we take time to ponder scripture, our faith has something to hold on to. Something that's factual and true. Our faith has something to feed on, something from which our dreams about heaven can take root. For when it comes to heaven thee is no limit to what the Lord will confide to those who's faith is rooted in Scripture. Heaven has been, and always shall be, a matter of faith. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1 which says that faith means believing in realities that go far beyond sense and sight. It is being sure of something you hope for, that is, sure about unfulfilled things in the future. It takes no more than a mustard seed-sized grain of faith to be sure of unfulfilled things in the future. I know your faithful Lord and I thank you for showing me through scripture how important it is to have faith in the things we cannot see. I pray that you will continue to guide my path as I trust in you. Please watch over my family and friends and bless them and keep them safe. Amen I am going to call it a night I love you my sweet son and I will talk to you again tomorrow night night (((hugs))) xoxoxoxoxoxo

Love, Mama

Hi Sweetheart

10/28/2010

I love you and miss you so very much. I am reading about how readjusting expectations in life is not a negative, it's good. Asking less is not a loss. Hebrew 10:22 "You enjoy a sincere heart in full assurance of faith" You enjoy a new degree, a new release of energy at every point in your life as the eye of your soul is strengthened and spiritual understanding is quickened. A greater assurance of faith shows us, that all things are indeed, working together for good, and you realize without a doubt that the smallest of kind deeds done in Christ's name will result in a greater capacity to serve God in glory. Suffering hurries the heart homeward. Psalms 90:12 says, "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom" Ephesians 5:15 " Be very careful, then, how you live --not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." Days are fleeting, hours are fading, and before you know it, we will no longer have the chance to prove our love to Jesus with our obedience. We won't have the time to get back on track. The sun will have set. Heaven is meant to bless your path and be a source of strength in your suffering today valiantly welcome it and greet it. I thank you Lord for helping me through this difficult time in my life, and thank you for blessing us with your word I love you. I pray that you will watch over our family & friends and give peace and comfort to those who are hurting. Amen I am going to sleep now my sweet son I love you and I'll talk to you tomorrow. night night (((hugs))) xoxoxoxoxoxox

Love, Mama

Hi Sweetie

10/27/2010

I love you and miss you with all my heart. I have been reading and God is showing me that there is a direct link between our hardshps and heaven. Suffering makes us want to go there. Broken hearts crush our illusions that earth can keep its promises, that it can really satisfy. Only the hope of heaven can truly move our passions off this world, which God knows could never fulfill us anyway, and place them where they will find their glorious fulfillment. I am finding that since I lost you and you've taken with you a piece of my heart that no one can replace I find myself longing for heaven like never before. Now that you are home with the Lord he is showing me that heaven is my real home too. A broken heart leads to the true commitment of asking less of this life because more is coming in the next. The art of living with suffering is the art of readjusting your expectations in the here and now. Romans 8:17 says "We share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory" Dear Lord thank you for giving me new insights to your truths which is giving me renewed hope and strength every day. I pray for my family and friends that they may find comfort in your word also. I love you Lord Amen I love you my sweet and precious son night night (((hugs))) xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Love, Mama

Hi Sunshine

10/26/2010

I love you and miss you like crazy honey. I have been reading more in 2 Corinthians 4:16 & 18 "Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. The final destruction of death, disease, and the devil. The vindication of His holy name. The restoration of all things under Christ. These things will outweigh a lifetime of suffering. Our pain will be erased by a greater understanding. I thank you Lord for leading me to scripture that helps to comfort my soul, and I pray that you will continue to help me see what is important and beneficial to me. Please watch over my family and friends and comfort others who are hurting. Amen I love you my sweet son and I'll talk to you again tomorrow. night night (((hugs))) xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Love, Mama

Hi Sweeheart

10/25/2010

I love you and miss you so much honey my heart aches to see your face again and hug you. I have been reading quite a lot today it helps me a great deal. Here is a thought to ponder could it be that the pain & suffering we are enduring here in this world might possibly be Gods way of getting us to shift our minds toward heaven? Isaiah 40:31 Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Eagles overcome the lower law of gravity by the higher law of flight, and what is true for birds is true for the soul. Souls that soar to heavens heights on wings like eagles overcome the mud of earth that keep us stuck to a temporal, limited perspective. The apostle Paul had this perspective when he said, " For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 2 Corinthians 4:17 This means we need to look beyond the negatives in order to see the positives. May God bless our family and friends that we love so dearly. I will write more tomorrow my sweet precious son. I love you! night night (((hugs))) xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Love, Mama

Hi Honey

10/24/2010

I love you and miss you sweetheart. I am so tired tonight i can hardly keep my eyes open. I was reading in 2 Corinthians 1: 3-7 and it talks about comfort in suffering and although life is short and tragic things happen to people we love each day we are reminded of our finiteness. We don't know the future, we don't know the relationship between events and we certainly don't know why. My faith is in God and although I can't make sense of things that happen I believe it is all a part of a much bigger plan that only God knows. I will talk to you tomorrow I love you sweetie and I miss you so much. night night (((hugs))) xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Love, Mama

Hi Sweetie

10/23/2010

I love you my sweet son and I miss you terribly. We have Kristin for the night she is getting big and she can roll over now and is talking up a storm she is so adorable. When she gets bigger we will all tell her what a great Dad you were and how you would fly her around the house and get her smiling and laughing like crazy. We will make sure that the girls know what a great personality and sense of humor you had and how much you loved to make people laugh. They will know without a doubt exactly how much their Daddy loved them. I am still waiting to get the things you had written when you were in treatment last March. The letter you wrote to Dakota is beautiful and I know she will cherish it one day. I want to thank the Lord for the many blessings in my life and the precious time I spent with you and the many memories I have of you and also your beautiful daughters which we will love and cherish always. I am going to bed soon. I love you my beloved son and I miss you everyday. I will talk to you again tomorrow. night night (((hugs))) xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Love, Mama

Hi Sweetheart

10/22/2010

I love you and miss you . Melissa had Lakayla's Birthday party today I can't believe she's four already she had fun and she's getting so big. It wasn't long ago we were celebrating Jazzy's 4th Birthday and I'll never forget how much you liked the kitty card I picked out for you to give to her. Honey we all miss you so much and love you dearly. Matt 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn For they shall be comforted. Lord I continue to pray for your comfort and peace for our family and other families who are hurting. I am thankful for the love and strength you continue to give us through this most difficult time in our lives. I am leaning on your understanding not my own. I will talk to you again tomorrow goodnight my sweet Christopher (((hugs))) xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Love, Mama